It's Fashion Friday!: Fendi Buggies and Prada Racing

           I know Fendi had some really horrible contributions to my compilation of precious pelts wasted in grotesque garments. And I must qualify what is about to come with the statement that I still think these things are ridiculous. HOWEVER, what is better than a fashion house that doesn’t take itself seriously? Well, honestly, a lot of things. Regardless of that, I enjoy films. I really enjoy short films. I extra really enjoy short silly films made by high-end fashion designers just for the hell of it. Fendi has made a fantastic little film to advertise their new “Buggie” collection.

            The whole collection is about whimsy. It’s mostly little fur handbag charms in made to look like little monsters. They all have names, of course. I like Lucifur - I think he looks like a squirrel. There are a couple of wallets and handbags with rage-filled owl like glances. And it wouldn’t be complete without one of their iconic Peekaboo bags, my favorite piece, with a monster’s face on the inside. The whole lot of accessories is excessive, garish, and fantastic. I’m a little bit late to the party in my post (this holiday capsule collection was released in November), out of pure laziness. Sorry! I don’t even want to know how expensive all of these pieces are. I can’t afford them. Most of you probably can’t afford them. So what does it matter?  

           While we're at it with the weird Italian fashion short films, Prada had another one made: Castello Cavalcanti. This is a Wes Anderson/Jason Schwartzman collaboration. And it's just odd. JUST ODD. Apparently it was inspired by a scene in Amarcord. If you are unfamiliar with that gem, it is a fantastic Fellini film that every film enthusiast should enjoy. 

It's Fashion Friday!: Fifteen Farcical Fashion Finds That Will Make You Say "For Real?!"

The inspiration. This 3.1 Phillip Lim denim
JUMPSUIT with PATCHES costs $1295.
Would you believe it's sold out at Saks?

           As many of the world’s fashion savvy have been falling all over themselves at NY Fashion Week this past week to see what spring fashion will hold (it’s worse than Christmas decorations at Halloween), I have been on an entirely different mission. I was inspired both by an email I received about 3.1 Phillip Lim’s fall line and the lovely fall weather we were having up until Wednesday to research some really unbelievable statements of this season’s trends. I searched high and low to bring you this visual compilation of the most eye-catching looks, as in “Shit, I didn’t see that nail sticking out of the wall there and now I’ve left an eyeball behind.”

           I was surprised by my findings. I expected to collect some pieces from the usual hit or miss designers: Etro, Erdem, Missoni. While all three of these big names make some really beautiful garments, you can’t deny that they make just as many hideous garments. Missoni zigs and zags colors that look like vomited Golden Corral and the two E’s put so much busy in their prints that being on acid would make you feel calm. SURPRISE! None of these three were even in the ballpark. And speaking of calm, another name I expected to be tagging right and left was Mary Katrantzou. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand her work. Even her garments – the prints - I found to be like calming seas to my eyes after the pieces I have found for you. Sure, I found stuff that was out there weird. I found clothes that were really ugly and might make you gag. To make the cut for this edition, however, they had to be the noxious elite. I want you to know some of these items have sold out. So, they’re not only ugly, they’re popular. And, almost all of them cost more than a months rent. And without further ado, let the fugly fall fashion fair commence!

I think this is what happens when a parrot flies
into a fan. Tim Ryan £1,585 at Browns London.

Okay, I lied a little. I'm throwing
 in a Missoni scrunchie, so you
can hold back your hair
while you vomit. It's $95.

And, when the head falls of the parrot, Fendi
turns it into a keychain. £425 at Browns London.

It astounds me how something so simple can
be so horrendous. Carven $805 at Avenue32.
This one sold out at Net-a-porter. ?!

YEAH! This is what I want for Christmas!
NO! Why would you dye angora that color?
It kind of just looks like she rolled around on
the couch after a chartreuse cat slept on it. 
Antonio Marras $2505.59 at Farfetch.com.

I think she got cold at the Chinese food
restaurant and just took this off the wall.
Duro Olowu $6285 at Net-a-porter.

Oy Marie! Well, there she is. I'm sorry, but someone
 needs to re-educate Givenchy on the definition of "sweatshirt."
This is not it. And it's available at so many places...
$1440 at Net-a-porter.

I really just don't understand this one.
Except, is she checking for armpit
odor? Moschino Cheap and Chic
$560 at Net-a-porter.

While we're printing people's
faces on garments, how about Elvis' face
in your lap? Ashley Williams 785€ at colette.fr.

There's not much to say about this
shearling coat, is there? Except that maybe
Net-a-porter needs to think about firing their buyers?
Roberto Cavalli $10,090. Yes, you read that right. 

Just the perfect dress for under that
shearling. We've gone down
the rabbit hole and taken
Farmer McGregor's rose garden.
Rodarte $14,919.71 at colette.fr.

No fashion show would be complete
without a tribute to the Golden Girls.
There's no tie-dye, but it still
feels like it's swirling a bit. Or maybe
that's my stomach. Prabal Gurung
$2195 at Net-a-porter.

Animal print! If you stare at it long enough, the
black and white part looks like a head on
a body. $900 at (you guessed it) Net-a-porter.

Here's a whole look for you. I think
I'll call it "rotting art deco building."
Anna Sui cape $605 at farfetch.com.
Anna Sui pants $450 at Net-a-porter.

My favorite, to close. Christopher Kane
feather - applique cashmere sweater.
$4295 at Net-a-porter. For an additional $4770,
you may also purchase the skirt. 

It's Fashion Friday!: Animals Died So You Could Do WHAT?!

            I love fur outerwear. I’m not a vicious, animal-hating, evil, barbarian. I like to be warm. I am cold 99% of the time. I’m the person you see wearing a hooded sweatshirt inside when it’s 95 degrees out. And when the temperature drops below 20 degrees, I will have to have on about 5-6 layers of clothing to regulate to a normal temperature. Putting a fur layer in there cuts that in half. It’s practical. Down filled quilted garments are also warm, but it is somewhat easier to walk around in a fur vest than it is to walk around in a sleeping bag. Not all fur garments are created equal. And I certainly wouldn’t want to look like a drowned rat or a CGI wolf from the Twilight trilogy that happened to get caught in a Tsunami. I still want my fur “whatever-it-is” to be fashionable. There are lines, however, that shouldn’t be crossed, if… I don’t even know how to end this sentence.

Chanel. Blue mink helmet.

           GAH! EGADS! What the hell is that?! Exactly. Whatever you’re thinking. Yes. That’s it. BOOM. Joan of Arc just became a Smurf, took an acid trip, flew to the moon, watched the Gladiator movie, and had John Galliano mold her a helmet out of a blue foam yoga block! Actually, it’s Chanel and it’s mink. Poor, poor, mink. I know they’re mean little creatures, but this seems unjust posthumous treatment even for them. I think I saw somewhere these things cost about 3g’s. Karl, what were you thinking?

Fendi. Photo by Filippo Fior.
This is EASILY a $15,000 coat. 
I wish I were joking with that number.

            Next in the lineup, we have the amazing cracked out Technicolor Millipede that Joseph found in his Dream-coat after not having it dry-cleaned for a long, long time. Or is it a crustacean? Regardless of what kind of bug it most resembles, Fendi put it there. And, oh what a surprise, Karl Lagerfeld had a hand in this too. There were a few covetable pieces in this line, but after reviewing the still shots of the Fall 2013 looks I can only advise Mr. Lagerfeld of one thing. Buddy, really, YOU HAVE A GAS LEAK IN YOUR HOUSE.

Creative Recreation. $190 a pair at Barneys.

            I got this email from Barney’s about one of their newest favorites from Creative Recreation. These promotional emails are often comical. Having once been on the other side of the counter I realize that they probably bought pretty heavily into this “new favorite” and are now thinking, “Wow, we better get people to buy these.” My question would be, “Did the Smurfs become a significant marketing target sometime in the last year and I missed it?!” I can’t decide if these are worse in the blue or the white calf hair, probably the blue. The white looks a little less, uh, hairy. Can I think of a single male I have ever come in contact who would wear these? Yes – one – dirty feet thought he was going to get a fresh pair after he left his nasty dry foot gunk on the suede footbed of the pair he tried on sandal guy from my S Ferragamo days. That is not a whopping endorsement, Barneys. Good luck with those. 

          

Altuzarra.
Each one of these mittens
is larger than her ENTIRE ass.

Is it a Rorschach? Is it bird flock
excrement? Or just a weird
design? I don't know.

 Some designers are more interested in sustainable fur. So instead of killing animals that haven’t been treated well, they’re just using road kill in their designs. That’s not true, but tell me that THING doesn’t look like a boxing glove made out of a dead skunk. What is that? Can she drive a car with those on? She certainly cannot grip an ice cream cone. I doubt very much that she could button/zipper a coat or pick up a Birkin. Even Cruella De Vil was smart enough to wear sleek gloves so that she would have access to her cigarette holder. Altuzarra does have Cruella’s coat for you as well, if you’d prefer that to the skunk mittens. Supposedly, it was the most Instagrammed coat at Fashion Week (back in February). Isn’t it amazing that people would get so riled up about something that’s been done before, and by Disney, nonetheless? Maybe they were just happy to see something that wasn’t as ugly as Mick Jagger.  

It's Fashion Friday!: Fendi - Adding Fun To the Day

           Can we just take a moment and talk about how delightful the artistry coming out of the luxury brand Fendi has been lately? I used to brush this name off with the association of brown ‘F’s in stripes and relief, and while that is still present for those who must be conspicuous with their labels, the sheer playfulness and subtle glamour in the rest of their line is like a perfectly ripe strawberry on a sunny summer day. Mostly, I’m enticed by their shoe collection. I’ve seen things in past seasons that I wish I could own. And the Spring/Summer 2013 selections are no exception. Surely, there are tempting treasures for any tootsies with a modicum of taste. 

            Shall we start with serious? We can get the stuffy out of the way, move in the direction of the more circus worthy shoes you know I love, and get this going like a 4th of July fireworks show. They have a basic pump, like any good cordwainer. I don’t need to show you those, although I will tell you there’s one in magenta suede, for an edge under that black pant suit. How sweet is this one? Patent shine, a youthful bow, stripe and added neutral colors for versatility. This is so much more interesting than a plain black or brown pump. It also recalls that Fendi signature stripe without being in your face about it. This also comes in a wedge in black and taupe, and a low heel similar to the Ferragamo Vara pump in nude and RED.

            I’ve been looking for the perfect brown summer wedge sandal. This might be it. (This is not it, actually, because no one pays me to write this blog. Sad, but true. I can dream though). I like that it has the jute braid around the bottom to say, “Yes, I know espadrilles are popular in the summer time, but you paid almost $500 for this shoe. Do you really want it to be made out of plants?” Those wide straps make me happy too – I find wide strapped sandals to be a bit more stable for the ankles than thin strappy sandals. (Yes, I can be a practical woman. Don't look so surprised). The color-blocking is a nice touch also.

            This next one is exquisite. It looks to be bedazzled to look like stingray. I don’t believe it is actually stingray. This style of shoe reminds me of Ginger Rogers. I don’t know how anyone would dance in it, but it captures that air of old world glamour, from a time when no one would dream of singing about "Bubble Butts" or having the gall to shake one in your face. It’s the round toe with the t-strap combination, I do believe. And, here’s some real stingray for you (as best I can tell). In case that skin alone isn’t rich enough for you, they’ve made half the shoe orange. And that’s it. That’s enough. It’s not overdone. Oh, to stroll down a boardwalk in a summery dress in these, on your way to a glass of lemonade. 

            Fun fun fun! Why not have a shoe with pink checkerboard and orange?

           Oh, what’s that you say? You want a Bruins Playoff Series fan support shoe because you'd rather not grow a beard? They have you covered on that one too. Oh and it is divine. 

           

           PERSPEX! Do not forget the Perspex. I’m so excited I just can’t hide it. 

The space-age ugly runway shoe that may have moved Fendi past Prada into my favorite shoe brand is this orange gem. 

There is something about the continuity of the brown studs on the bottom of the heel matching the embossed rusty orange leather applique on the outside of the shoe also matching the leather in the sock lining that I truly appreciate. Art for the feet.