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| The inspiration. This 3.1 Phillip Lim denim JUMPSUIT with PATCHES costs $1295. Would you believe it's sold out at Saks? |
As many of the world’s
fashion savvy have been falling all over themselves at NY Fashion Week this
past week to see what spring fashion will hold (it’s worse than Christmas
decorations at Halloween), I have been on an entirely different mission. I was
inspired both by an email I received about 3.1 Phillip Lim’s fall line and the
lovely fall weather we were having up until Wednesday to research some really
unbelievable statements of this season’s trends. I searched high and low to
bring you this visual compilation of the most eye-catching looks, as in “Shit,
I didn’t see that nail sticking out of the wall there and now I’ve left an
eyeball behind.”
I was surprised by my findings. I expected to collect
some pieces from the usual hit or miss designers: Etro, Erdem, Missoni. While
all three of these big names make some really beautiful garments, you can’t
deny that they make just as many hideous garments. Missoni zigs and zags colors
that look like vomited Golden Corral and the two E’s put so much busy in their
prints that being on acid would make you feel calm. SURPRISE! None of these
three were even in the ballpark. And speaking of calm, another name I expected
to be tagging right and left was Mary Katrantzou. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand
her work. Even her garments – the
prints - I found to be like calming seas to my eyes after the pieces I have
found for you. Sure, I found stuff that was out there weird. I found clothes
that were really ugly and might make you gag. To make the cut for this edition,
however, they had to be the noxious elite. I want you to know some of these items have sold out. So,
they’re not only ugly, they’re popular. And, almost all of them cost more than
a months rent. And without further ado, let the fugly fall fashion fair
commence!
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| I think this is what happens when a parrot flies into a fan. Tim Ryan £1,585 at Browns London. |
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| Okay, I lied a little. I'm throwing in a Missoni scrunchie, so you can hold back your hair while you vomit. It's $95. |
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| And, when the head falls of the parrot, Fendi turns it into a keychain. £425 at Browns London. |
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| It astounds me how something so simple can be so horrendous. Carven $805 at Avenue32. This one sold out at Net-a-porter. ?! |
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| I think she got cold at the Chinese food restaurant and just took this off the wall. Duro Olowu $6285 at Net-a-porter. |
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| Oy Marie! Well, there she is. I'm sorry, but someone needs to re-educate Givenchy on the definition of "sweatshirt." This is not it. And it's available at so many places... $1440 at Net-a-porter. |
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| I really just don't understand this one. Except, is she checking for armpit odor? Moschino Cheap and Chic $560 at Net-a-porter. |
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| While we're printing people's faces on garments, how about Elvis' face in your lap? Ashley Williams 785€ at colette.fr. |
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| There's not much to say about this shearling coat, is there? Except that maybe Net-a-porter needs to think about firing their buyers? Roberto Cavalli $10,090. Yes, you read that right. |
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| Just the perfect dress for under that shearling. We've gone down the rabbit hole and taken Farmer McGregor's rose garden. Rodarte $14,919.71 at colette.fr. |
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| No fashion show would be complete without a tribute to the Golden Girls. There's no tie-dye, but it still feels like it's swirling a bit. Or maybe that's my stomach. Prabal Gurung $2195 at Net-a-porter. |
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| Animal print! If you stare at it long enough, the black and white part looks like a head on a body. $900 at (you guessed it) Net-a-porter. |
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| Here's a whole look for you. I think I'll call it "rotting art deco building." Anna Sui cape $605 at farfetch.com. Anna Sui pants $450 at Net-a-porter. |
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| My favorite, to close. Christopher Kane feather - applique cashmere sweater. $4295 at Net-a-porter. For an additional $4770, you may also purchase the skirt. |
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