I love fur outerwear. I’m not a vicious, animal-hating,
evil, barbarian. I like to be warm. I am cold 99% of the time. I’m the person
you see wearing a hooded sweatshirt inside when it’s 95 degrees out. And when
the temperature drops below 20 degrees, I will have to have on about 5-6 layers
of clothing to regulate to a normal temperature. Putting a fur layer in there
cuts that in half. It’s practical. Down filled quilted garments are also warm,
but it is somewhat easier to walk around in a fur vest than it is to walk
around in a sleeping bag. Not all fur garments are created equal. And I
certainly wouldn’t want to look like a drowned rat or a CGI wolf from the
Twilight trilogy that happened to get caught in a Tsunami. I still want my fur
“whatever-it-is” to be fashionable. There are lines, however, that shouldn’t be
crossed, if… I don’t even know how to end this sentence.
Chanel. Blue mink helmet. |
GAH! EGADS!
What the hell is that?! Exactly. Whatever you’re thinking. Yes. That’s it. BOOM. Joan of Arc just became a Smurf, took an acid trip, flew to the moon,
watched the Gladiator movie, and had John Galliano mold her a helmet out of a
blue foam yoga block! Actually, it’s Chanel and it’s mink. Poor, poor, mink. I
know they’re mean little creatures, but this seems unjust posthumous treatment
even for them. I think I saw somewhere these things cost about 3g’s. Karl, what were you
thinking?
Fendi. Photo by Filippo Fior. This is EASILY a $15,000 coat. I wish I were joking with that number. |
Next in the
lineup, we have the amazing cracked out Technicolor Millipede that Joseph found
in his Dream-coat after not having it dry-cleaned for a long, long time. Or is
it a crustacean? Regardless of what kind of bug it most resembles, Fendi put it
there. And, oh what a surprise, Karl Lagerfeld had a hand in this too. There
were a few covetable pieces in this line, but after reviewing the still shots
of the Fall 2013 looks I can only advise Mr. Lagerfeld of one thing. Buddy,
really, YOU HAVE A GAS LEAK IN YOUR HOUSE.
Creative Recreation. $190 a pair at Barneys. |
Altuzarra. Each one of these mittens is larger than her ENTIRE ass. |
Is it a Rorschach? Is it bird flock excrement? Or just a weird design? I don't know. |
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