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| Gnome heel? With giant gold hearts on the front? I'm going to be honest. If you buy this shoe, I'm going to have to reconsider our friendship and/or lock you in a basement until you recover your sensibility. |
ModCloth
prints on the front “Your Voice. Your Choice. Your Style.” I’m going to go with
“No.” as the answer to the question that was not posed. Maybe they thought that
by putting a token fat girl (and I only say that in relation to the other girls
on the cover – in real life I’m sure she’s normally sized) on the cover, it would
entice me to open and peek inside. Again the answer is, “no.” I did, however, look inside because I
enjoy a good laugh at a disaster where no one was injured.
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| Worse than Anthro ugly sweaters. My phone couldn't even focus on them. |
Now, if
you’ve ever been to Anthropologie in the winter time in the last 10 years or so
(Free People counts too) you’re going to know what I’m talking about when I say
there are generally at least 3 or 4 sweaters/dresses that you look at, recoil,
and wonder “WHO on this green earth would PAY MONEY for THAT?!” Working there
gives you the experience of watching THAT person come in and buy those things
bringing that perfect “Aha,” moment. My first response upon opening this
catalog was that it was a catalog meant for THOSE people. Quite honestly,
ModCloth’s product looks like bad rip-offs of Anthropologie garments. And the sad thing about that is,
Anthropologie’s in house garments are often rip-offs of real designer’s work or
vintage pieces. (Urban Outfitters Corporation has become pretty well known for
intellectual property theft). As I continue to page through past some ugly
dresses and the token fat girl I get to the Urban Outfitters style décor
pieces. Creepy cat pillows, a bowl/box/candydish? shaped like a brain that they
used for pistachios, playing card Salt and Pepper set, ugly flatware… etc. You
get the idea.
What
follows is some eh dresses and some shapewear? I would have been able to put it
down and not write about it, but then I had to turn the page to the “Uh,
what????” If I were to make a dress to wear, I would want it to cause the following
interaction: “That’s a beautiful dress!”
“Why, thank
you! I made it!”
“No, sir.”
“Yes, sir!”
I would not want it to go like this: “Oh, that’s cute. Did
you make that?”
“No, I
bought it.”
“OH. Is it
vintage?”
“No, I paid
$100 for it from some catalog.”
“Oh dear.”
These dresses would cause the second reaction. There’s one
covered in sunglasses, one with dominos on it, one with dancing ladies. There
are also hot air balloon and umbrella prints. Maybe those are just frumpy, but
then my eyes were drawn to the top of page 12, where a lot of my cardinal
styling rules were just tossed aside to hungry Chinese chicken nugget eating
raccoons. Here’s the picture. Which is your favorite? Mine is a toss up between
the pink-toned, porpoise-in-the-lap, outer space leggings (NOT PANTS!) and the
dress that is printed with vividly colored sandwich innards.
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| No! Don't add this whimsy! PLEASE! |
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| Oh no they didn't… Yes they DID. |
By the end
of the catalog, we are watching the token fat girl (in the same outfit from the
cover) say goodbye to her guests. There are some hella’ (hell of – let’s just
butcher the language while we look at ugly shit) ugly sweaters for you to wear
outside. And finally, the last page shows crazy girls’ bedrooms. One girl even
had balls of yarn nailed to the wall
above her bed with cat sheets. Can I
please have some pro-fresh disinfectant because I’m feeling awfully violated by
yucktasticness right now. I think it’s a SURE BET that I won’t be shopping at
ModCloth this holiday season, or any other season. And, I recommend you follow
my lead.
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| EGADS that cat is a PILLOW. |
