Friday, July 18, 2014

It's Fashion Friday!: Of Mercedes And Messy Men

           I must confess immediately that I am slightly inebriated. It has been a while since I’ve written a fashion post… to quote Rhett Butler, “Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.” (I was required to read that god-awful book before ninth grade English and the scars are still there, all 1000+ pages worth). Honestly, I’ve been trying to be less judgmental. Well, not trying, have been. I was inspired by my friend Leslie – she just doesn’t give a shit. It’s not in a negative way either. It’s pragmatic. She and we all have more important things to worry about. Back to my being inebriated…
            I just had a belated birthday dinner (complete with three cocktails loaded with whiskey and Aperol! HEAVEN!) in one of my favorite restaurants. On the way out of the restaurant, I was given the  
A Simple Guide from Note
that in the "X" example the shirt tail meets the thigh gap...
blessed sight of a wedding party taking pictures to my left. They looked lovely. And, entering the restaurant, I nearly collided head on with a trio of gingers with sticks so far up their asses that their posture rivaled that of newly planted telephone poles. This was not a family of meager upbringing, no. They came out of their oversized Mercedes SUV, dropped off as close to the door as possible (it can’t be comfortable to walk around with posts up your bum), and had the most miserable angry expressions on their faces. SMILE KIDS. You’re going for dinner! Goodness. The one left in the car, the driver, the kingpin of ass-pole stardom, was the most ridiculous specimen of them all and the winner of “Fashion Friday Blog Dusted Off” inspiration.
            To be fair, I am not a man. Given that obvious fact, I do my best to keep the berating of men’s fashion choices to a minimum. I judge, but I keep it inside. You know what? That’s a complete lie. Last week I asked a teen boy’s friends if the boy was homeless. They looked at me like I was insane so I continued speaking. “If your friend isn’t homeless, WHY doesn’t he have SHOES on in a restaurant?! That’s GROSS.” I was in Chipotle, and it was gross. Judging by the color of the affluent child’s feet, he hadn’t had his shoes on for several hours. I digress. Mr. Ass-Pole, as I will call him, got out of his fancy car and walked towards the restaurant, stopping to check whatever important things were happening at his mobile device. This is when I noticed his attempt at casual attire and scoffed.

Brad Richards in a Medoc shirt from
(Photo from their website)
            Khaki pants ordinarily would work quite well with an un-tucked button down shirt. I myself can’t stand wearing tucked in shirts. It’s not comfortable. Who wants a shirt getting stuck under their bum when they sit down, wrinkling, moving all around…. to hell with that. My problem is that this man was wearing his button down shirt un-tucked, but it was a DRESS SHIRT. I once before wrote about this for ladies, in a much gentler manner. 
           If you stand on the side of someone wearing an un-tucked shirt and it is not straight across, but instead looks more like a round-bottomed w, it should be tucked in! These shirts are specifically tailored to be inside the pants. Wearing such a shirt outside the pants does not make the wearer look casual, but like a slob. This is SUCH a problem that upon Googling “mens shirts tailored untucked” I even found an ENTIRE WEBSITE of button down shirts designed specifically for that purpose! Clever. (They are even endorsed by Brad Richards. And while he may not be a Bruin, he is a hockey player. That's good enough for me). If you want a fancier shirt of the Brooks Brothers persuasion and you insist on wearing it outside of the pants, TAKE IT TO A TAILOR. If you can afford to shop at Brooks Brothers, you can afford a $12 hem/crop. And most CERTAINLY, if you can afford to drive a Mercedes GL Class SUV ($63000+), YOU CAN AFFORD TO WEAR THE RIGHT DAMNED SHIRT.