Friday, September 13, 2013

It's Fashion Friday!: Fifteen Farcical Fashion Finds That Will Make You Say "For Real?!"

The inspiration. This 3.1 Phillip Lim denim
JUMPSUIT with PATCHES costs $1295.
Would you believe it's sold out at Saks?

           As many of the world’s fashion savvy have been falling all over themselves at NY Fashion Week this past week to see what spring fashion will hold (it’s worse than Christmas decorations at Halloween), I have been on an entirely different mission. I was inspired both by an email I received about 3.1 Phillip Lim’s fall line and the lovely fall weather we were having up until Wednesday to research some really unbelievable statements of this season’s trends. I searched high and low to bring you this visual compilation of the most eye-catching looks, as in “Shit, I didn’t see that nail sticking out of the wall there and now I’ve left an eyeball behind.”
           I was surprised by my findings. I expected to collect some pieces from the usual hit or miss designers: Etro, Erdem, Missoni. While all three of these big names make some really beautiful garments, you can’t deny that they make just as many hideous garments. Missoni zigs and zags colors that look like vomited Golden Corral and the two E’s put so much busy in their prints that being on acid would make you feel calm. SURPRISE! None of these three were even in the ballpark. And speaking of calm, another name I expected to be tagging right and left was Mary Katrantzou. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand her work. Even her garments – the prints - I found to be like calming seas to my eyes after the pieces I have found for you. Sure, I found stuff that was out there weird. I found clothes that were really ugly and might make you gag. To make the cut for this edition, however, they had to be the noxious elite. I want you to know some of these items have sold out. So, they’re not only ugly, they’re popular. And, almost all of them cost more than a months rent. And without further ado, let the fugly fall fashion fair commence!
I think this is what happens when a parrot flies
into a fan. Tim Ryan £1,585 at Browns London.
Okay, I lied a little. I'm throwing
 in a Missoni scrunchie, so you
can hold back your hair
while you vomit. It's $95.

And, when the head falls of the parrot, Fendi
turns it into a keychain. £425 at Browns London.
It astounds me how something so simple can
be so horrendous. Carven $805 at Avenue32.
This one sold out at Net-a-porter. ?!
YEAH! This is what I want for Christmas!
NO! Why would you dye angora that color?
It kind of just looks like she rolled around on
the couch after a chartreuse cat slept on it. 
Antonio Marras $2505.59 at
I think she got cold at the Chinese food
restaurant and just took this off the wall.
Duro Olowu $6285 at Net-a-porter.
Oy Marie! Well, there she is. I'm sorry, but someone
 needs to re-educate Givenchy on the definition of "sweatshirt."
This is not it. And it's available at so many places...
$1440 at Net-a-porter.

I really just don't understand this one.
Except, is she checking for armpit
odor? Moschino Cheap and Chic
$560 at Net-a-porter.
While we're printing people's
faces on garments, how about Elvis' face
in your lap? Ashley Williams 785€ at
There's not much to say about this
shearling coat, is there? Except that maybe
Net-a-porter needs to think about firing their buyers?
Roberto Cavalli $10,090. Yes, you read that right.
Just the perfect dress for under that
shearling. We've gone down
the rabbit hole and taken
Farmer McGregor's rose garden.
Rodarte $14,919.71 at
No fashion show would be complete
without a tribute to the Golden Girls.
There's no tie-dye, but it still
feels like it's swirling a bit. Or maybe
that's my stomach. Prabal Gurung
$2195 at Net-a-porter.
Animal print! If you stare at it long enough, the
black and white part looks like a head on
a body. $900 at (you guessed it) Net-a-porter.
Here's a whole look for you. I think
I'll call it "rotting art deco building."
Anna Sui cape $605 at
Anna Sui pants $450 at Net-a-porter.
My favorite, to close. Christopher Kane
feather - applique cashmere sweater.
$4295 at Net-a-porter. For an additional $4770,
you may also purchase the skirt. 

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