Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Just A Typical Monday

I love an excuse to show off my pony sized 6 year old puppy.

1.     I shouldn’t have to work when it’s foggy out.

2.     Being inefficient must be an acquired skill because no matter how hard I try to work slower than whale shit at work when there’s not much to do, I still have stuff done really quickly.

3.     Not a single person in the executive and legislative branches of the US government understands the meaning of the word “compromise.”

4.     Doesn’t Oprah get sick of seeing her face on the cover of her magazine every month? And if not, she must be one of the most narcissistic people on earth. I know she does nice things for people sometimes, but I bet it’s the kind of nice that people do just for recognition, which actually isn’t nice at all.

5.     Maybe Miley Cyrus thinks she’s become allergic to her tongue. If she were worried about anaphylactic shock, that would be a legitimate reason to not put your tongue back in your mouth. If that were the case, however, it would be more prudent for someone to cut her tongue out. She’d be saved from death, and we’d be saved from hearing from her ever again.

6.     I would like to have the following printed on t-shirts for my place of employment. “What’s the point of having a desk if you don’t use it to conceal a weapon?”

7.     If I were a Jedi, I’d be able to look at people and convince them to just give me their cash. That would really solve some problems for me.

8.     People should have to take an economics class to be eligible to run for any public office where they may be enacting fiscal decisions. The current members of Congress would probably all fail. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my golden retriever/lab has more sense than all of them. He is able to pick up toys (sometimes two or three at a time) from his toy basket, put them back at the basket when he is done
Sometimes Clovis leaves his toys out so Dozer can use them.
with them, throw them up in the air to entertain himself, and he knows how to share with everyone – giving every person a chance to throw his toy for him. He also does not talk, which makes him infinitely more tolerable than anyone holding government office.

9.     There’s more propaganda being shilled in this country right now than in Cuba.

10. If a normal person didn’t show up to work because they didn’t like what they had to do that day, or if they just randomly took off important meetings without being deathly ill, they would be fired. Congress (BOTH sides) does this EVERY DAY and they don’t even miss a day’s pay. The entire Senate went into work late today because they didn’t want to vote on a budget. There’s something wrong with this picture. And it’s not just that they’re all blaming EVERYONE ELSE for their inability to DO THEIR JOB, which is to serve US. They’re like a bunch of ten year olds. “Mommy he started it!” “No, Mommy HE did it!” “It’s his fault!” “That guy’s the reason I can’t do it.”

11. It’s as difficult to get fired from my job as it is to get fired from being a politician. Sometimes the guys leave the steel grinders running when they walk away from them. I always wonder what would happen if I touched that spinning disc, kind of like you wonder what would happen if you stuck your hand in a ceiling fan. I could accidentally lose a finger and people still wouldn’t get reprimanded.

12. I’ve been having dizzy spells again instead of headaches. It’s kind of like owning your own amusement park ride. It’s a really good thing my mom drives us to work and back.

13. 5:30am might ACTUALLY be too early to eat chocolate macaroons.

14. There’s one guy at work whom I find so annoying that I wish I could drool enough to form a puddle on the concrete floor that he would slip in and knock himself out. I wouldn’t get fired. 
Puddle? Of Drool?

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