Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Aliens Among Us

UFO photo taken from The Best UFO
Pictures Ever Taken
A few weeks back I was approached by the man standing in front of me at the post office. He took out his phone, opened the pictures, and held it up so it was right in my vision. “I saw a UFO. Look! Can you see that spot there? That wasn’t there when I looked to take the picture.” Sure enough there was a bright orb-like spot in his picture that didn’t seem to have a good explanation. He countered my thoughts as he showed me the next frame, “It’s not lens flare. See?” The next picture highlighted something that most likely was flare of some kind, but looked a little bit like an umbrella opened on its side. “See? It’s getting ready to take off or something. It’s going somewhere!” I smiled and tried to be encouraging. “It’s neat, huh? All the guys at work really liked it.” I thought it was probable that the guys at work were making fun of him, but I hoped not. And maybe he really DID photograph a UFO.
            People like this talk to me a lot. I think part of it is that I’m not walking around with my face in my phone. So, those looking for a friendly ear have a pretty good chance with me. They may also sense that I’m just a few prescriptions away from being their roommate on the funny farm. And perhaps my recognition of that fact allows me to not mind talking to these people. When I think about it, we might actually be the normal ones. 
            Have you noticed that a lot of women and men these days have a strangely feline facial structure? Or faces that don’t seem to move when they speak or laugh? I don’t know what’s inside their head, but based on what they electively did to their faces, I’m guessing not much. It’s one thing if you’ve been in a horrible accident and need to have your face reconstructed. Then there are the boobs that do not move when the body is exercising. Maybe the boobs that move are more expensive. It’s just so odd. It’s hard to tell exactly how many of these procedures were voluntary since by nature all plastic surgery is considered elective. According to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery 2012 Statistics, there were almost 5 million “Injectable” treatments in 2012 – mostly Botox. That’s a lot more than the actual surgeries – there were only about 120,000 facelifts (though that doesn't include those who got chin augmentation, lip augmentation, or cheek lifts). This number, however, doesn’t include all of the other people who have already been “lifted” or may have even had their lifts start to sag.
from Squidoo
            I realize some people don’t want to age. Some manage to get a little “work done” without turning into something that looks like the air conditioning broke at Madame Tussaud’s. These repeat offenders though – they DO look like aliens. I DARE you to Google Jocelyn Wildenstein (don't put any consumables in your mouth before you click that). Carrot Top looks pretty odd these days, but that’s not really a change. It’s just a NEW kind of odd. Pete Burns is another fun one to Google. I mean, what the hell is wrong with that dude? It looks like he went in and said “Hey Doc, can you make me look like the ugly love child of Cher and Shannen Doherty?” So maybe these are extreme cases, but they are indicative of a real problem.
            If aliens really DID come to Earth, what would they say? What would they think? What if they got the strange idea that our faces and bodies were malleable like Play-Doh and started hurting us? Everyone wants to play with Play-Doh. People shaped Play-Doh, wouldn’t that be so much more fun? So, maybe I’m a little nuts, but I do NOT look like an alien. Or like I’m made of some sort of putty. Hey Post Office UFO guy, you and me? We’re okay! 

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