Just A Typical Monday

I love an excuse to show off my pony sized 6 year old puppy.

1.     I shouldn’t have to work when it’s foggy out.

2.     Being inefficient must be an acquired skill because no matter how hard I try to work slower than whale shit at work when there’s not much to do, I still have stuff done really quickly.

3.     Not a single person in the executive and legislative branches of the US government understands the meaning of the word “compromise.”

4.     Doesn’t Oprah get sick of seeing her face on the cover of her magazine every month? And if not, she must be one of the most narcissistic people on earth. I know she does nice things for people sometimes, but I bet it’s the kind of nice that people do just for recognition, which actually isn’t nice at all.

5.     Maybe Miley Cyrus thinks she’s become allergic to her tongue. If she were worried about anaphylactic shock, that would be a legitimate reason to not put your tongue back in your mouth. If that were the case, however, it would be more prudent for someone to cut her tongue out. She’d be saved from death, and we’d be saved from hearing from her ever again.

6.     I would like to have the following printed on t-shirts for my place of employment. “What’s the point of having a desk if you don’t use it to conceal a weapon?”

7.     If I were a Jedi, I’d be able to look at people and convince them to just give me their cash. That would really solve some problems for me.

8.     People should have to take an economics class to be eligible to run for any public office where they may be enacting fiscal decisions. The current members of Congress would probably all fail. In fact, I’m pretty sure that my golden retriever/lab has more sense than all of them. He is able to pick up toys (sometimes two or three at a time) from his toy basket, put them back at the basket when he is done

Sometimes Clovis leaves his toys out so Dozer can use them.

with them, throw them up in the air to entertain himself, and he knows how to share with everyone – giving every person a chance to throw his toy for him. He also does not talk, which makes him infinitely more tolerable than anyone holding government office.

9.     There’s more propaganda being shilled in this country right now than in Cuba.

10. If a normal person didn’t show up to work because they didn’t like what they had to do that day, or if they just randomly took off important meetings without being deathly ill, they would be fired. Congress (BOTH sides) does this EVERY DAY and they don’t even miss a day’s pay. The entire Senate went into work late today because they didn’t want to vote on a budget. There’s something wrong with this picture. And it’s not just that they’re all blaming EVERYONE ELSE for their inability to DO THEIR JOB, which is to serve US. They’re like a bunch of ten year olds. “Mommy he started it!” “No, Mommy HE did it!” “It’s his fault!” “That guy’s the reason I can’t do it.”

11. It’s as difficult to get fired from my job as it is to get fired from being a politician. Sometimes the guys leave the steel grinders running when they walk away from them. I always wonder what would happen if I touched that spinning disc, kind of like you wonder what would happen if you stuck your hand in a ceiling fan. I could accidentally lose a finger and people still wouldn’t get reprimanded.

12. I’ve been having dizzy spells again instead of headaches. It’s kind of like owning your own amusement park ride. It’s a really good thing my mom drives us to work and back.

13. 5:30am might ACTUALLY be too early to eat chocolate macaroons.

14. There’s one guy at work whom I find so annoying that I wish I could drool enough to form a puddle on the concrete floor that he would slip in and knock himself out. I wouldn’t get fired. 

Puddle? Of Drool?

Congressional Cage Fighting: Coming to a Capitol Building Near You

While watching the extremely stressful series of “Celtics vs. Heat June 2012,” I kept seeing advertisements for the boxing match between Congressman Manny Pacquiao and Timothy Bradley. I continuously chuckled at every ad, finding the idea of a boxing government official about as absurd as a vampire slaying Abe Lincoln. And then it hit me – wouldn’t it be amazing if any person could challenge any congressman to a nationally televised boxing match????? Imagine the implications! Screw holding these people responsible for their votes in reelection campaigns. Let’s get down and dirty and threaten to sucker punch them if they make stupid decisions.
             “I, Sarah Botham, challenge YOU, Senator McCain to a fist fight in Lowell – (hopefully with Micky Ward coming to watch or even referee) in regards to your threatening American civil liberties with that 2012 National Defense Authorization Act.” I’m not sure what the winner gets yet. I haven’t really thought it out that thoroughly. I think money would probably be the best prize, since a repeal of a law that affected an entire nation based on the outcome of a fight could probably be refought until every American had at least a black eye and a broken rib. And after all, I think our government representatives for the most part prize money over anything else. We should hit them where it hurts. In the nuts and their bank accounts.

I think next, “Deval Patrick, you idiot governor you, I’m going to give you a black eye for even SUGGESTING that the tax exemption on soda and candy be repealed.” I’m not fat. I’m in great shape. I shouldn’t be punished for wanting to drink Coca Cola and eat peanut M&Ms. That’s an average afternoon snack for me. I could take him! 145 pounds of wiry fury right in the kisser. He’d be down in two punches. Screw you, Massachusetts. Let’s knock it out in the ring. If I win, you can keep your proposed tax and give me the money to pay it!

Now I realize that this is not a revolutionary concept by any means. I see it as the modern day equivalent of jousting and dueling. Instead of fighting over the rights to a woman, we are throwing ourselves into the ring to prove a point. To say, “You know what? You’re supposed to represent me. And, you’re doing a shitty job.” Think of the money people would save on therapists and anger management if they could take it out on their government officials. I imagine we’d all get a lot stronger and leaner as well, boxing is a lot of work.

Potential for violent results really would bring accountability. It would be a bit like a mob rule. I’ve been fascinated with the mob for as long as I can remember. I think it comes from growing up in Massachusetts, where “Where’s Whitey?” was more popular than “Where’s Waldo?” On several occasions I have suggested to people, that we would be better served by a government run by organized crime. See the amazing thing about organized crime is that it’s “ORGANIZED.” If you’re not doing things you shouldn’t be doing, the mob is not going to come after you. And how is giving your local mob faction a cut of your profits any different than paying taxes? At least with the mob you know what you’re getting. They make no pretense about operating in a peaceful, truthful manner. It’s the complete opposite of today’s government - a collection of assholes who want you to believe that they have your interests at heart, while remaining pacifists, and always telling the truth. HA! Right. We all know better. At least, I hope you know better.

In reality, I lean closer and closer to becoming an anarchist every day. I am frightened by what is going on in the world, afar and at home. In general I would say that violence is never an appropriate answer, but you have to admit, watching your 85 year old next door neighbor Doris beat the shit out of Nancy Pelosi would be quite entertaining.