Friday, August 2, 2013

It's Fashion Friday!: It's Still Sodding Summer

Leather free moto-chic. Does anyone do it better
than Helmut Lang?
        It is a fact that many places style-discriminate against bigger girls. My dear friend and I were mother of the bride dress shopping and were borderline size checking, and as soon as we went upstairs to the “Women’s” section the dress colors and shapes became dowdy, frumpy, and dull. It was appalling. Big girls can and want to wear pretty dresses too. They shouldn’t have to wear ugly clothing, just because commercial designers are too lazy and cheap to put the extra time into drafting patterns and styles that fit properly. Frankly, I’d rather see a full-figured woman. Skeletons belong in the closet.
        It has become trendy for fashion magazines to attempt to appeal to the normal-sized people with columns such as Marie Claire’s “Big Girl in a Skinny World.” I don’t often read this column. It’s nothing personal - I don’t read any columns – I usually glance quickly and spend most of my time looking at the pictures. I did decide to read one today, however, because I found the topic a bit “whack” – shall we say? Leathers for Summer.  HOLD IT right there. It’s already wrong. It’s wrong! It’s just wrong. Unless you are spending your summer in the southern hemisphere, in Alaska, northern Scandinavia, or a Grease the movie look-alike convention, Leather. Does. Not. Go. With. Summer. So, when Ms. Nicolette Mason complains, “I loathe the fit issues that come attached to leather jackets. The pleather available for my size-16/18 frame makes me feel sweaty, not sexy—quelle horreur!” I must say, "Darling, the reason you feel sweaty is because it’s still July/August." Look, I'm sick of this oppressive heat too, but donning my leather jackets is not going to spontaneously bring October's mid-weight jacket bliss. You’re not
Zara Denim Biker Jacket $39.99
supposed to wear leather jackets in the middle of the summer. I don’t care what fashion magazine told you it was chic or cool or the new it thing. It is nonsensical – as bad as Ugg boots with mini skirts. Like driving a Lamborghini Gallardo in a snowstorm.
         One of my favorite articles of clothing in my possession is a white Helmut Lang lambskin jacket. It’s as soft and thin as a cotton dress shirt. Even that is not appropriate for summer. Do you know what’s worse than sweating in a tight wool sweater? Sweating in tight leather pants. In July. The handbags Ms. Mason suggests are lovely, if you can afford to put an entire month’s rent towards a handbag. (If only we could!) It is more than doable to put rocker flair into your style without wearing leather! Without even addressing accessories, have we forgotten denim? The oh-so-versatile textile that comes in so many shades? The right denim jacket, in the right shade of dirty, is more moto-chic than any leather jacket. AND, you can wash it. OR, you can run it over with your car, depending on which way you need it to go within that spectrum.
Betsy & Adam Jersey Blouson Dress
(Plus Size) on sale for $125.96
Eileen Fisher Silk Blend
Tank (Plus Size) on sale
for $112.56
    One of the style characteristics I’ve always felt added more edge to a garment is asymmetry. Maybe you don’t want to wear a jacket. Again, did I mention it’s summer? I’m pretty sure it was 95 degrees outside at some point in the last week and a half. I don’t know why this top costs so much. And I can’t believe I’m suggesting Eileen Fisher as “rocker chic,” but at least you can see what I’m talking about with this being better than boring. If it’s not daytime, cutouts will definitely sass it up too. I hesitate to suggest that for midafternoon or people might just think you’re walking the street. This dress is cute! Aside from the whole polyester issue… it could be worn with flats or heels (please not too high or you really WILL look like a hooker), and how much motorcycle/rocker you show depends entirely on what kind of jewelry you wear. 
Natasha Couture Long Strand Necklace $18.98;
Topshop Inner Neon Thread Necklace $9.97;
Noir Jewelry Miss Piggy's Pearls $105
         And let’s talk about those accessories shall we? I know I cautioned you on wasting your money on the crap Tom Binns sells; and his line is all about trying to make you think you are a rock star. I say save your money for the good stuff and spend as little on the trendy stuff as possible. And can we take it easy on the spike jewelry? What are you, a pitbull? Don’t be so LITERAL. Lean heavy on the metals, not so much on the colors. Layer textures. Sparkle a little if you want. I might put one of these Natasha necklaces with this Topshop necklace (but doubled up), and perhaps something a little girly like Miss Piggy’s Pearls by Noir Jewelry
This would be the splurge.
 It's like a metallic gladiator wedge.
TO DIE FOR. Rue do jour
 'Illiana' $545
        If you’ve done this all correctly, you should be wearing mostly neutral
MIA 'Edie' Flat $40.17
colors. Rockers, at least the ones I like to listen to, don’t dress like Hannah Montana. It’s generally about black, denim, maybe a bit of white, but mostly dark. (Remember, we’re shooting for motorcycle rocker chick, not HIPSTER from Bushwick). This means that for shoes, you should be okay to wear metallic flats! I’ve always said everyone should have a pair of metallic sandals or ballet flats in their arsenal for summer time. And then at long last, you may carry a leather handbag, if you like. I do suggest, however, that you put the cash IN the bag, instead of into the hands of the person who sells you the bag…… (That means NO new Valentino Rockstud bags, Ladies!!!! You can still buy new shoes. Shoes are fair game. Always. And for pete’s sake, enough with the studded Rebecca Minkoff’s).

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