It's Fashion Friday!: Hockey Sweater Horrors

           Sometimes, when I remember that I’m an adult and I can do whatever I want, I look at the clock and see that it’s 9:30 or 10 pm and think, “Damn, I’m tired. I’m GOING TO BED!” I did that last night. I think it was the holiday weekend. It just tuckered me out. That whole thinking about how much I enjoy not going to my day job followed by dreading going back to the day job is exhausting. So, don’t fault me for being untimely in my blog posting. It IS still Friday.

            There were so many things that I thought about talking about this week – whether or not one could own too many pairs of rain boots, the email I got from Net-a-Porter that I could have sworn was an advertisement for syndication of the show Designing Women (while it was witty and entertaining, it did not highlight one of fashion’s brightest eras), an in depth review of several high end lip balms (which I decided only female brass players would read). In the end, I was swayed by the emotive postings of my friend Richard about some new developments in hockey sweater fashion.

            Let’s be clear. There are some things that just aren’t to be “Clucked” around with. (I’m going to be quoting Autocorrect a lot from here on out). In sports, superstition reigns supreme – at least when you are from Boston, land of the curse reversed. If you want your hockey team to play like Vikings conquering new territory, you shouldn’t dress them like a bunch of colonial Puritan women. Exhibit A.

Getty Images/Melinda Pilon - zoomed in and cropped (thanks guys!)

This is a leaked, as far as I know, version of the Canadian Olympic hockey team’s 2014 jersey. Aside from it’s general “eh”- ness (and I mean “eh” as in the shrugged shoulder "whatever" sound, as opposed to the Canadian word that sounds like the letter “A”) it has shiny fake laces at the neck. Shiny. These are MEN wearing this jersey. MEN who FIGHT. With their FISTS. And STICKS. Shiny? Who designed this? Tinkerbell? Apparently this shiny fake lace thing is a Nike (sponsor) addition to the jersey so it is visible on the USA jersey as well.

            Speaking of the neck, it’s ALL wrong. It’s hugging the circumference like long underwear, or a crew neck sweater on an annoying preppy twit. Hockey sweaters are supposed to be loose at the neck. More of a V. And with REAL laces. Not those fake shiny things we just talked about. The USA jersey is even worse. The shoulders are covered in

Where are Will Ferrell and Napolean Dynamite when you need them?

shiny stars. Girly. At least Alex Ovechkin will have stars on his shoulder too. Maybe they’ll get invited to join the ice dancing teams if they play their cards right. 

            The real treat of the week, however, is the new Sabres jersey. I’ve never been a fan of the Sabres. They usually suck enough that it’s not an issue. I’m worried though, that when they do play the Bruins there’s going to be some vomiting on the ice. This is one FUUUUGLY jersey. Thoughts?

If there's one thing that shouldn't be mixed,
it's multiple shades of mustard.