Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Lost Yourself? Have You Tried Hare Krishna?

Lookin' good with green skin.
            There is hope for people who have lost their way. One no longer has to venture out on his own on a journey to discover his true identity. If you don’t feel that you know who you are, do not fear. There are a billion (mild exaggeration) quizzes and interpretations of your habits out on the Internet to help you figure it all out. And, I have taken them all. Okay, not all of them.
            I am R2D2. Captain Kirk. Sushi. Maleficent. I should have gone to Stanford. I am “Community Organizer Barack Obama.” – I don’t really want to be any kind of Barack Obama so that quiz was not super helpful. The British paper (tabloid?) The Daily Express. Disney Princess Belle – I would have preferred Aurora but hell, at least it’s not Ariel. Although if you do the match up of my Myers-Briggs profile with Disney characters, I am Mulan or Pocahantas. ???? What? 
Just, wow. THAT is a car.
           I am Pixar car Sally – this means nothing to me. Where as the quiz that said I am a Stretch Hummer?! I just find that offensive. OBVIOUSLY, I would be a McLaren F1. Fine automotive enthusiasts, interpret that how you like. The Stretch Hummer quiz clearly did not take my curves into account. I am Count von Count from Sesame Street. I am the Swedish Chef on the Muppets. What kind of wife am I? I am a “Good Wife: You're not so perfect that you look fake and you don't nag so much that you'll end up in divorce court!" – Perhaps I should have that printed on a business card for future use as I am actually not married.
Bork. Bork. Bork. Ray Bourque? We like him too.
Papa Smurf! Jake Gyllenhaal – on which one of Taylor Swift’s boyfriends I would be. I guess “the guy that would never date that vapid hoe” wasn’t an option. I am not an asshole at all on the “How much of an asshole are you?” quiz. According to a video of animated cocktails, my favorite cocktail says that, “If I have to stand in line to get in some place, I won’t go.” He also said I only own one pair of nice shoes. Something went wrong there…
Yeah, I'm not so sure about that one.
My sleep position indicates that I have long periods of indecision, but stick to my choices, once they are actually made. It didn’t take me long, however, to decide not to take the Which Twilight Character Are You? Quiz. Thank goodness there are no more of those movies, so people I don't know can stop telling me I look like "that vampire girl." I miss the days when people told me I looked like a brunette Alicia Silverstone. I'm not sure I ever saw it, but that's okay. I definitely look more like her than I do Jake Gyllenhaal.  I should sue Kristen Stewart for attempting to steal my face. Then I could be all of the things above, and not poor.

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