It's Fashion Friday!: A Highbrow Nose

           All joking aside, I don’t like to toot my own horn. Now I am really chuckling to myself

on the inside since I am sitting in an airport on my way home from an audition where I did exactly that. What I mean is that I am at heart a fairly modest person. So, when I tell you I could sell someone his own foot it is because that is a fact, not because I am bragging. (I must also interject that I wouldn’t do that, and that is one of many reasons I am no longer in the luxury retail business). That being said, I can’t remember the last time I was out-charmed at my own game. No one has “sold” me anything in a long time, that is until this past Sunday.

Eau Lente Eau de Toilette 50 ml $88

            Chicago is one of my favorite cities. I love walking around near the river and the Wrigley building – the architecture is so much different that what you see in New England. I had passed over the river and was walking north, and I was hot. Of course, it’s me, so, I knew the location of a small mall-like building where I could pop in for some air-conditioning (and a walk through Nordstrom). I don’t usually stop in the fragrance section because I already have a bunch of fragrances that I wear and like. (When I found some allergy medications that allowed me to wear them without sneezing or getting headaches it was a pretty exciting day). The Nordstrom on Michigan Ave happens to carry Diptyque, however, and that is not something I can get in Mass.

Limited Edition Minä - Infini $65
"woods, incense, and spices" 

            Some of you may know of Diptyque because of their candles, a cult favorite for years (Isn’t that an odd saying? “Cult favorite.” I don’t think the Moonies used Diptyque candles, and they probably weren’t burning them in Waco TX either. I guess that’s one of those superficial monikers the thinking folk aren’t supposed to overanalyze). People who don’t belong to cults also enjoy Diptyque candles - my mother got one for Christmas, and it has been pleasantly wafting through our family room for months (she’s savoring it). My favorite would have to be the Feu de Bois candle, which smells like firewood. Yankee Candle can take their food-scented candles and eat them. If I want my house to smell like baked goods, I’ll bake something. UGH. Those cake-scented candles are the worst. I feel sick just thinking about them. I’m straying from the path…

            What really swept me in and held my nose hostage were the parfums, and the fact that Michael kept spraying them for me to breathe in while telling me the stories of each one. Product knowledge is a dangerous weapon. When I encounter a skilled seller I must put myself on the offensive – beat them at their own game. I sell the seller the idea of me NOT buying anything, so that I don’t end up leaving poorer. They don’t know what’s happened when I’m done. They’ve played the game right, asked open-ended questions, and done all of the engaging like they were taught, but where is the sale? I have to tell you that I lost this battle. Michael won. Michael won with his charm, and his ability to keep me standing there for at least a half hour, and because these fragrances just smell INTOXICATING. Each one is distinctive and alluring, and not a single one smells like the cheap sorority girl you sat next to at the bar last night.

L'Ombre dans L'Eau solid perfume $48

            I tried on their newest one, Eau Moheli – it was absolutely divine. I can’t even remember what it started as because I am so taken with the light floral scent it faded to by the end of the day. Philosykos, a fig scent, is one of the most interesting fragrances I’ve come across, and not a thing like anything you would find in pedestrian locations such as Target or Home Goods with the word “FIG” printed across it. This was delightfully sweet, and yet not overpowering. It didn’t smell like food, it smelled like sunshine. I also really enjoyed L’Ombre dans L’Eau. These all come in Eau de Toilette, in simple bottles with sketched artwork. There are a variety of sizes for some as well, so people like me, who wish to have many fragrances at their beck and call, can get smaller ones and buy a few. Some even come in solid perfumes to be rubbed on the pulse points. The packaging for such is a near inch in diameter lustrous, black coffer, so heavy in your hands it just feels rich.

            I didn’t purchase any of the prior scents. Michael directed me to a collection of citrus notes we had not yet sampled. These were the pièce de résistance. Citrus is perfect for summer because it’s not heavy. The last thing anyone wants

L'Eau des Hesperides Rollerball $48 - lovely packaging,
isn't it?

to smell in 95-degree heat is an over perfumed 95-year old woman (or the Abercrombie & Fitch store). I was already wearing something at this point, and like I’ve said, I’d been out charmed, so I was going to be purchasing a fragrance without trying it on. This is generally a bad idea, especially for someone like myself who, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned, when sprayed with Chanel Chance ends up smelling like a freshly powdered donut. Michael actually sold me the one he liked, L’Eau des Hesperides, and not the one I would have picked, and my arm has been glued to my nose since. Charming AND skilled. If you like to smell good, I highly recommend you investigate the Diptyque fragrances. And since you’re probably going to have to order them anyway, you should give Michael at the Michigan Ave Nordstrom a call.

It's Fashion Friday!: I Definitely Don't Want to Smell Like Justin Bieber's Girlfriend

If Alien's take out Earth today, you KNOW
it's HIS fault. UGGGGGGGGGHHHH GAG.

            I don’t know about you, but sometimes when the commercials come on I’ll start to wonder if I’ve ingested some sort of controlled substance inadvertently. The video on the screen just doesn’t make sense. I can’t figure out what’s going on. Then I realize, OH this is a commercial for some perfume (or cat food). I can’t wait for the holidays to be over just so that the perfume commercials will go away. I used to get excited for Christmas time. There used to be gay and cheerful holiday movies abounding. Now it’s just cracked out mini films of wet people, teenagers in bridal gowns, and Brad Pitt trying to convince me that Chanel No. 5 is not a perfume for an older woman.

            So maybe perfume isn’t really a fashion item. You can’t see it. But, you do wear it. And, it is sold by many fashion houses. Sadly, many celebrities with narcissism disorders have also decided they should scent the public. Justin Bieber, my favorite singer, has a perfume called “Justin Bieber’s Girlfriend.” Inventive. YUCKKKKKKY.

            So, what are they trying to sell with these commercials? There’s the Acqua Di Gioia for Women commercial…. It’s a half-naked, unnaturally tan, malnourished woman, trotting around in a jungle. If I wear this perfume am I going to want to run around half naked in a jungle? Or am I going to smell like I’ve been running around half naked in a jungle? I don’t think I’d like either of those things very much. Nor do I want to look like I’ve been running around in the jungle and lying in wet sand.

            A commercial for Ralph Lauren Romance just visited my television. I saw some family, and then I saw a couple riding horses through prairie, while simultaneously making out. That looked kind of difficult to coordinate. Maybe Ralph Lauren is trying to tell me that if I wear Romance I will become skilled at coordinating difficult tasks, such as managing families and multitasking while riding a horse.

            I must say, there is one that I don’t mind so much. It has Julia Roberts in it. She’s a pretty face. And I think they’re playing Blonde Redhead in the background. Pretty face, pretty sounds. There are also sparkling things hanging from the ceiling. The commercial makes absolutely no sense in any way. I have no idea what’s going on. I also couldn’t tell you what perfume it’s for, because all I remember is Julia Roberts smiling amidst sparkly magical strings.

            What I find truly silly about all of these commercials is that I don’t think perfume or cologne is actually a good gift to give at all! If you know the person likes the scent, of course, then it’s a lovely gift. If it’s a shot in the dark, however, it can go so horribly wrong. And if you’re choosing a perfume from a television commercial, I’m guessing the lights are out. Not only are people very, very picky about the smells that they like, but they don’t always smell good wearing the smells they enjoy. That whole body chemistry thing doesn’t always work out.

            I happen to think Chanel Chance is a lovely fragrance. I tried it on to see how it would wear throughout the day (as you should with any fragrance you are considering… many layers of flavor, like Willy Wonka Gobstoppers). At first, it was fantastic! A couple of hours later, wouldn’t you know it, I smelled like a powdered donut. You might think I would like that, but no.

            None of the perfumes I wear advertise on television. I’m sure that’s not coincidental. They seem to be quite successful without advertising. If it smells good, the product probably sells itself. If it doesn’t sell, it’s probably because it doesn’t smell good. Do you think these commercials actually work? Do people watch these things and think, “Wow I wish I looked like Charlize Theron. I’m going to go buy some J’Adore.”? I would buy that perfume if it would make me look like her, but I’ve never met her and I don’t know what she smells like. Maybe I wouldn’t want to smell like her. Maybe she smells like dill or fennel. I can’t make an educated decision about whether or not I want to smell like another person by watching them on television. Perhaps instead of bombarding my holiday-viewing with seedy, nonsensical commercials the sellers of these perfumes should just stop. That would be such a nice gift, wouldn’t it?