Thug Farming

Roundup - the new garnish. It's better than salt.
It's got salt in it! 

          There’s been an awful lot of hysteria about this “Monsanto Protection Act.” I’m calling it hysteria because I don’t think anyone’s actually sure what we’re upset about, including myself. Sure, we all hate Monsanto. At least, if you love nature, small-scale farming, and toxic-chemical free living, you hate Monsanto. This supposed bill that was rammed through, however, DOES IT EXIST? I’ve seen SO many different articles, none showing any conclusive evidence, that I decided to get to the bottom of it myself. At least, that was the plan.

            Enter spending bill HR933 which they tell you “averted a government shut down.” If you don’t believe that to be a crock of shit, you are one naïve Nancy.  There’s no way those chuckleheads in Congress would actually let the government come to a complete halt because then their paychecks would stop coming. It’s all scare tactics. Continuing on, the so-called “Monsanto Rider” is section 735. I just love it when they put something as unrelated as my bitcho step-Grandma and Ghandi in a bill together. That was bleeding sarcasm right there. It’s in the interpretation of this section 735 that people are allllllll over the map. Planetsave.com claims "The bill states that even if future research shows that GMOs or GE seeds cause significant health problems, cancer, etc, anything, that the federal courts no longer have any power to stop their spread, use, or sales.”

If that’s true, that’s pretty scary. Nathaniel Downes on addictinginfo.org claims that the act is nothing to worry about – it’s all about protecting farmers from having their crops targeted in court cases and it keeps people from planting dangerous crops pursuant to the Plant Protection Act it references. These are pretty different summations of the same chunk of legal jargon.

            I’m not a lawyer. And I believe that these laws are intentionally written in a way that obfuscates their intentions. Here is how I translate Sec. 735 into People Speak. If a “NON REGULATED according to the Plant Protection Act section 411” plant loses that status I.E. becomes regulated, Farmer John/Monsanto can request that the Secretary of Agriculture immediately grant a permit BACK to DEREGULATION so that the plant may be moved, cultivated, and commercialized and anyone in possession of the plant may continue moving, cultivating, and commercializing. And this is all to be maintained for the time that the Secretary does his analysis of whether or not the plant should be regulated. And NOTHING can limit the Secretary’s authority. It doesn’t mention the courts. It doesn’t mention lawsuits. It doesn’t mention biotech or GMO’s. It mentions the Plant Protection Act, which I have gone ahead and read on your behalf (you should thank me for that one because it is a genuine snoozer). Oh, and by the way, what exactly IS non-regulated? Is there a list somewhere? Is it on a napkin? Sounds to me like it’s all about whether or not you can plead your case with the Secretary of Ag over a glass of Boone's Farm.

YUM. Sure we can put your plant on the napkin list.

            The Plant Protection Act is not about farming. The Plant Protection Act, as far as I can tell, is a horticultural customs document. It talks about noxious weeds and plant pests (I'm going to start calling people noxious weeds). They’re worried about moving plants across international and state borders and containing blights and disease. The only thing I can see in the sections referenced that might be of concern to someone farming is in section 414, which references destruction of plants (I would assume those that are diseased and/or trying to eat people). I could see MAYBE if the Secretary of Agriculture were to decide that a GMO crop were a “Plant Pest” they might be able to order a farmer to destroy their GMO crop. That is the only way I can figure out how to relate these two topics. Are you confused? So am I. My best guess is that this is like one of those word math problems where they haven’t given you enough of the information to solve the problem. There’s something we’re not being told, because this doesn’t add up AT ALL.

            I do not doubt that Monsanto has a majority of the government monkeys on its bankroll. Monsanto and the US Government have a LONG history of working together. Let’s not forget the fine work they did together ruining the lives of the Vietnamese and our own soldiers. Even if it turns out this rider that was snuck into this funding bill (And you should be ANGRY that people are saying they didn’t know it was in there. All the Congress people have to DO is READ the bills. THAT’S their job. THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE PAID TO DO) is not a huge Monsanto victory, I say we should still be trying to bring this monster down.

            GMO food is not your mom and pop’s cross-pollinating experiment. The kinds of modifications these mega-agra companies are making to the food supply are frightening. My favorite “YUCK FACTOR” example is Monsanto’s Roundup Ready System. They have modified the DNA of their corn and soybeans so their plants are resistant to Roundup, their most popular pesticide. The farmers plant these pesticide resistant crops and then spray the poison all over the land. The crops live and everything else dies. Meanwhile, Roundup is leaching into the soil. Glyphosate herbicides (Roundup in chemical terms) bind to soil particles and while are said to break down rapidly, there have been reports of some sticking around for over a year. Supposedly, they deactivate as pesticides, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t consumed by bacteria and don’t have alternate effects on the delicate ecosystem.

            Think about this, it only takes ONE extra chromosome 21 for a person to develop Down Syndrome. Only one cell has to start dividing in an uncontrolled manner for cancer to begin. For me to get a debilitating migraine, the level of serotonin in my brain just needs to spike abnormally for a moment. These are microscopic events with large repercussions. I don’t need someone to run tests and show me pictures of tumors on rats to know that genetically modified food is having a negative effect on the population. I know at least seven people who have developed gluten allergies since childhood. WHEAT. They are allergic to WHEAT. This is a common food people have been eating for centuries; also one mega-agra has altered the genetic makeup of to produce higher yields in different climates. Among others, I know people who have developed soy allergies, nut allergies, dairy allergies, fruit allergies… People should not be allergic to food. Big agra companies haven’t done long term testing on their GMO crops because they’re not required to and they don’t deem it necessary. Monsanto FLAT OUT SAYS on their website “There is no need to test the safety of DNA introduced into GM crops… DNA is non-toxic and the presence of DNA, in and of itself, presents no hazard.” With that logic, Anthrax and Smallpox are totally harmless! JUST DNA! 

        

SCORE! Roundup Ready COCAINE!!!!!

Well, I have some good news. Since DNA is non-toxic, let’s talk about the non-toxic DNA in the coca plant. Mother Nature is looking out for us (you know, I think she’s a libertarian) and she did us a solid by mutating a varietal of the coca plant to create Boliviana negra. This beauty growing in Columbia is resistant to glyphosate (Roundup) – the US has been aerial bombing that nation with Roundup as part of their war on drugs. What they are doing, however, is killing the weeds, leaving extra space for the resistant strain of supercoca! So when all the plants are dead, thanks to Monsanto, and when there is no food left for any of us to eat that isn’t a science project gone awry, thanks to Monsanto, at least we’ll all be able to get reallllllly high.