Friday, May 11, 2012

It's Fashion Friday!: Holy Holey.... No.


by 7 For All Mankind

Shopping for jeans, for some of us, is like hunting for the Holy Grail. There are more variables than just inseam and waist length to worry about. Perhaps if you are male and have no hips that is not the case, but this girl has a pretty round behind and that does not make the denim search easy. Thank goodness, that whole Britney inspired “ultra low rise” trend is over. Now at least we can know that when we go to try something on that we won’t have to worry about peek-a-boo crotch (I just HAD to borrow that description from my aunt). Yet left behind are the issues of visible crack (just say no to drugs), muffin top (should only be the edible kind), pockets in the wrong place (not on my hamstrings thank you), finding a dark enough indigo that won’t also stain your furniture… So, once you find a brand and cut that fits, you stick with it. At least I do.
I am a devout worshipper of Seven for All Mankind. Their denim is super soft and they have two different cuts (Dojo and A-Pocket) that flatter my figure, are comfortable, often have sparkly crystals on the pockets, and fit like a glove. They have other cuts that I can’t even get my whole leg into so they appeal to the skinny girls as well. This is not, unfortunately, a cheap habit to have. I end up buying mine at places like Saks Off Fifth outlet. I can’t remember the last time I paid less than $120 for a pair of jeans (OUCH). Knowing that that is what I’m working with for a price, I have a hard time not orally expressing my irritation at pulling my size out of a pile and holding them up only to find that they are FULL OF HOLES.
ENOUGH with distressed denim, already. I don’t understand it. I fall down enough that I put holes in my pants on my own. I certainly don’t want to buy them that way. The whole concept of wearing ripped clothing out in public was never something I easily embraced. I have what I thought to be a common belief, that if you put a hole in something, it is ruined. Or in the best-case scenario said article of clothing is delegated into the “painting the house” category of weekend wear. I guess I am not in the majority on this view. How is it unacceptable to wear moth-attacked cashmere sweaters, but totally fine to wear ripped jeans? Hypocrisy, I tell you! So maybe if you’ve had a pair of jeans for a long time, and you fall down in them in the parking lot on your way into DSW, rip them, have your ever so wonderful mother run over the rip with her sewing machine so it doesn’t get bigger, and then wear them on Saturday around your house and to the movies because they’re so soft you don’t ever want to take them off, that’s okay. Shelling out hundreds of dollars for pre-destroyed clothing – not okay.
,Take, for instance, this hot mess of a skirt I found on Net-A-Porter. It’s no longer available so I have no qualms about giving you the link to more pictures. Even the name “Fine Trash distressed denim pencil skirt” tells me I don’t want it. Why does anyone think this looks good? Someone please give me an answer. I wouldn’t pay $10 for that skirt, never mind $430. If I were that skirt and someone did that to me, I’d be distressed too. It looks like it got run over by a garbage truck.
Fabric with holes in it doesn’t last as long either, especially when your toes get stuck in the “distressed” hole while your unaware foot keeps forcefully pushing towards the floor ripping the mild distress into a tattered mess. If you really want denim with holes in it, I suggest you buy some cheap jeans at Old Navy, throw them in a puddle, and run over them a few times with your car. It’s a lot more cost effective. You can give me what you save. I’m still going to request that you don’t wear them outside your house or the movie theatre. It just looks messy! We did grunge when I was in high school and it’s over. I throw out socks with holes. I won’t even donate sweaters with holes. Pants with holes need to go the same route. And don’t think that just because you wore a hole in that spot where your thighs rub together and you don’t think anyone can see it that it’s okay to wear those jeans out either. I CAN SEE IT! And I might just point it out to you in a very public and embarrassing way.  

(A good friend just shared this link with me in response to today's post. It's a short video about denim history - pretty cool! Additionally, you can go to to get those holes patched up. Have a good weekend!)

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