Saturday, April 14, 2012

Look Ma, NO PANTS!!!

      A few weeks ago I was taking advantage of the excellent Massachusetts public transportation system (read with a large dose of sarcasm) and found myself walking up the stairs behind a pretty young thing. I’d guess she was somewhere in her twenties. Given that she was about four steps above me, it was impossible not to look at her ass. It was at eye level. I would have fallen down if I tried to look at the ceiling and looking at the ground is bad for your neck. There was absolutely nothing wrong with this young lady’s behind, except that it wasn’t covered! 
      Okay, sure, she was wearing leggings. The leggings, however, were not opaque enough to hide the fact that she was wearing striped Victoria’s Secret “Pink” underwear. The letters were there, right in front of my face. I understand the shift in fashion from the Mennonite like loosely fitting full coverage outfits to the “If you’ve got it flaunt it” attitude. 
      It is not only an encouragement to feel good about yourself as you are, but also a bit of a power play. (I doubt very much that a woman in a low cut shirt with a push up bra hasn’t had the thought “Hey look my boobs are bigger than yours,” at least once. It may be subconscious and not hostile in nature, but it’s definitely there.) Yet even the “flaunt it” attitude would not condone leaving the house without clothes on. Well, ladies, if you have decided to wear leggings in place of pants, you have done exactly that. 
I don’t need to show you pictures for you to know what I’m talking about. This craze set in a few years ago and for whatever reason hasn’t gone away. But, why? There are TONS of online editorials expressing that many ladies do not support this substitution! If leggings were the same as pants, they would be called pants. They’re not. Are these women just looking for attention? Most people have nightmares about leaving the house half dressed or not dressed at all. Are they suffering from early onset Alzheimer’s? There are some great medications out there now… Are they older women trying to prove they’ve still got it? Whatever IT is… they don’t!!!!! They’re old!!! Nobody’s checking out Grandma’s ass. The men her age are most definitely too busy looking at the less droopy derrieres of the younger women who also left the house without pants. 
      Offenders among us, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “I have a great backside. You’re just jealous of it.” Or perhaps, “I look hot, mind your own business.” Well, you would be incorrect. What I’m thinking is,  “I have a nice rearend too, and I have the self respect to cover it. You- you just look easy.” That’s right. EASY. You’re not just giving a preview you’re showing the whole movie for free. Then the other, more unfortunate possibility is that you couldn’t afford pants. I can just hear my late grandmother commenting on a revealing outfit, “I guess she didn’t have enough money to buy fabric to finish that.”
      I’m not saying you have to wear pants and not show off your legs. Wear a skirt. Wear a tunic that comes well bellow your butt ridge line. But for God’s sake and for mine, cover your ass! Value yourself as something other than a piece of flesh! The only cheeks I want to see are on your face, thank you. Any decent woman would alert you if she saw your boob popped out of your shirt. Well I’m here to alert you that your butt’s hanging out. And it ain’t pretty. 

In case you need help figuring out whether or not you are wearing pants, here is a handy chart from Buzzfeed: Leggings Or Pants? Chart


  1. Oh, Ms Botham, how right you are! This must be the Butt Generation. The girls are out with no pants, and the guys are wearing pants so low we're looking at lots of underwear and crack. And I am SICK of it!
    Thanks for letting me know that this old fogey is not alone..

  2. ah yes... the saggy drawers phenomenon. what an eyesore. it's awfully presumptuous for these gentleman to assume we'd like to have a look at their underwear.