It's Fashion Friday!: Can't The Circus Come To Town?

COLOR! Fashion Rebel, Rated R,
and Mediteranee Eye Shadow Duo $34

           Have you ever pondered the progression of history that led to it being socially unacceptable to paint your face like a circus performer for daily wear? The cosmetics industry is a multibillion-dollar cash cow bringing colors in powder, gel, and glitter form to people all over the world. So, why not? French women AND men were really into caking on the makeup in an obvious fashion in the 1700’s and 1800’s. They didn’t want to look natural. The more artificial, the more aristocratic. This fascinating website I found says that sometimes people would trace their veins with blue pencil to make their skin look whiter. Sometimes they would use mouse fur to accentuate their eyebrows. How did this not snowball into something Tim Burton worthy? Maybe it was because people were actually killing themselves with the lead paint they used to turn their skin white….

            How did I find myself thinking about this, you ask?

Amour $29.50
at the Chanel counter
(Sparkles)

Well, I felt compelled to pamper myself with an irresponsible lip-gloss purchase this week. There’s just something so delightful and decadent about acquiring tubes full of sparkles. When I’m indulging, I find that I also want to acquire other kinds of color (in obscene $$$ quantities). Perhaps it’s the artist in me. Perhaps it’s just my inner five year old. Depending on which counter you’re at in Nordstrom, you will find different types of hues. There aren’t many circus colors at Chanel. They keep it classy. Wander over to Nars, however, and it’s like a crayon box for your face. Wouldn’t it be fun to look like a crayon box? At least sometimes? Without people thinking you’d totally flipped your cork?  

Okay this is not what I had in mind.
Vivienne Westwood Red Label Fall 2011.

See Something Say Something.

           Like an abandoned backpack in an airport, the disparity of consequence I see for government action and civilian action is disconcerting. Great journalists show you exactly what they are looking at, and then let you draw your own conclusions. This is not something I excel at. Handing you my conclusions, however, does not get you anywhere. Since I do believe this abandoned backpack is more frightening than anyone I would actually see in an airport, I will try to show you what I’ve seen, and let you decide whether or not it is dangerous. 

This map is from The Guardian article on NSA's
Global Surveillance.

            It has recently been confirmed by the Brits, via the Guardian, that our government is spying on us. They are collecting “metadata,” which they want us to feel better about than them actually listening in on our phone calls, and surveillance on our nation more than they are on Russia, Turkey, Mexico, and North Korea. While a secret court granted the government access to our phone records because of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act and the Patriot Act, I still consider it a violation of our civil rights – a violation of the law. I’m sure the foreign surveillance violates international law as well – that’s why spies try not to get caught. The executive branch of our government has broken the law, lied to Congress about it, and violated our trust. Will they be held accountable? Will anyone lose his job? Will anyone go to jail?

            At least 27 people have been killed in drone strikes in Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Yemen since Obama’s speech on reigning in the drone strikes on May 231. These people are described as most victims of drone strikes are: “alleged,” “suspected,” “believed to be militants.” Sometimes names are given, as in the cases of Pakistani civilians 16 year old Tariq Aziz and his cousin 12 year old Waheed Khan 2. Sometimes identities are unknown. Often bodies are too disfigured post-missile for identities to be confirmed 3. When a sniper shoots, one bullet kills one person. Missiles and explosions don’t target individuals. Governments don’t discuss collateral damage because they don’t want you to think about it. In the Boston Marathon Bombing three people died; more than 100 people were injured 4. Car bombs on the border of Syria and Turkey on May 11 killed 40 and wounded about 100 5. For some reason, when you’re supposed to not be upset about the victim of an explosion, the number of wounded is not reported. It’s also not mentioned that other things may have been destroyed such as the alleged militant’s wife’s only picture of her mother, or his son’s favorite toy or entire bedroom. It’s not mentioned that the missile may have blown out the windows of the alleged militant’s home, but also the windows of the neighbor’s home – sending shards of glass at their innocent child.

What crimes have these alleged militants committed? Hating Americans? Being religious fundamentalists? Thinking about blowing things up? I don’t think any of those things are crimes on American soil. And even if they were, you would need to be charged with the crime and taken to trial before you would be sentenced (or killed). These suspected cohorts and members of terrorist organizations spend time in compounds (that’s what they call houses to dehumanize who they want you to think might be criminals someday) on another continent. The Westboro Baptist Church terrorizes people in America every day. They probably think about committing crimes against gay people. Are we given the right to preemptively kill them? Many of the alleged militants are farmers. Most of them are poor. Lots of them are parents. They live in sovereign nations. Pakistan DOES have its own judicial system to deal with crime, if its citizens were to actually commit a crime by their laws. (They’ve recently found the US guilty of war crimes against Pakistan, FYI 6).

President Obama said “we are safer because of our efforts…. Simply put, these strikes have saved lives. 7” Who is safer? Whose lives have been saved? WHO DECIDES that an American’s life is more valuable than the life of a Pakistani, Afghani, Yemeni, or Somali? And will the Commander in Chief of our Armed Forces look THEIR CHILDREN in the eye and explain to them WHY that decision has been made? He also believes that he is not violating other nation’s sovereignty or international law: “Moreover, America’s actions are legal. We were attacked on 9/11. Within a week, Congress overwhelmingly authorized the use of force. Under domestic law and international law, the United States is at war with al-Qaida, the Taliban, and their associated forces.”

Like it or not, what the US government does now is setting the standards for a new era in international warfare. It will only be a matter of time before the likes of Russia, China, and N Korea (God AND Allah forbid) have and are using their own killer drones. Who will hold them accountable? Who will hold our government accountable? Who is the terrorist here?

^{1 6 in Yemen on June 9 , 7 in Pakistan on June 7 , 7 in Yemen on June 1 , 7 in Pakistan on May 29} 

^{2 N Waziristan Pakistan on October 31 2011} 

^{3 Miranshah Pakistan November 15 2011 "Those who took part in the rescue work said the bodies of all seven men had been mutilated beyond recognition."}

^{4 NY Times}

^{5 Yahoo News AFP}

^{6 The Independent UK}

^{7 Full Transcript at Washington Post}

For a complete listing of every reported US drone strike since 2002 visit Dronestream on Twitter.

It's Fashion Friday!: Protect Your Peepers

           I might have a bit of a sunglasses acquisition issue. They’re such a fun thing to buy. An easy way to give a hint of something new to your appearance. An easy way to hide the squint you’re making at that person who has no idea what they’re talking about. AND they are medically necessary to PROTECT your beautiful peepers from those harmful glorious rays of light raining down from that magnificent ball of gas in the sky. 

       

The Original Wayfarer
in one of their "Rare Prints"
$165

     While particular styles may go in and out of trend, I really believe sunglasses are one area of fashion where people can do what they damn well please. The only guideline is that you attempt to do something that goes well with the shape and color of your face. A lot of fun is out there to be had! There are some standards we all know and love. The Wayfarer by Ray Ban is an older style that has resurfaced with “hipster cool.” Contrary to the belief of everyone living in Park Slope, this is NOT a universally flattering style. They are available in a wide variety of colors, however, so you may be able to find a pair that works for you. I had a pair. I don’t know if I ever showed you their demise, or told you about it, but a quick recap – picture my large, wrapped in a size 11 Saucony sneaker foot, eagerly reaching to make a sticky contact with the floor so I could hold a forearm plank, and instead landing smack in the middle of the lens of my Wayfarers. The SOUND! OH. I think it was as if the whole world was silent and all I could hear was shatter-crunching.

These are fun! Prada 'Baroque' will leave you
broke - $290 at Nordstrom.



            The beautiful thing about Ray Bans, and any other designer sunglass made by Luxottica Group, is that they can be sent back to them for repairs. And let me tell you, that is a good thing, because this is not a company whose quality I would bank on. Let me rephrase that. Luxottica’s proprietary brands, such as Ray Ban and Persol, are fine. Luxottica’s licensed brands, which would be a huge helping of your designer eyewear: Prada, D&G, Chanel, Ferragamo, Versace, anything you can buy at Lenscrafters… not so great. The most recent pair of eyeglasses (we all know how much those cost) I purchased actually started to flake at the temples – not a happy girl. Anyways, I will be sending back my Ray Bans with a request for assistance – I’ll let you know how that goes. The extra helpful people at Lenscrafters told me it would be cheaper to just buy a brand new pair. I don’t think so.

Mmmm. McQueen. $340.

             Safilo Group is the other designer eyewear licensing monster. They handle the accounts of Dior, Bottega Veneta, Alexander McQueen, Saint Laurent, and Marc Jacobs, among others. I recently acquired a pair of My Lady Dior’s in honor of my friend Janice. Janice got herself a beautiful Lady Dior handbag while we were working together at Anthropologie and now we can match. I am already excited by the improvement in quality of these glasses over those by Luxottica. I had noticed a piece on the temple was a bit loose the other day, you know how sometimes you can wiggle the joint between the front frame and the side up and down and back and forth? It was easily tightened with a jeweler’s screwdriver and on a cheaper pair of frames it would most likely have been glued. 

            Enough shop talk. The bottom line is, as long as the sunglasses you purchase are

Floral Square Frames. $5.80!! Now THAT'S
my price range. Forever21.

100% UV Protection, you are good to go! I tend to also prefer my sunglasses to be without nose pieces as I also use mine to keep the hair out of my face when I go indoors, and those little things get caught in hair. It's pretty embarrassing to have your sunglasses dangling from the side of your head when you want them on your nose. I say it’s good to have at least one really nice pair that you take good care of, and then have a bunch of cheap ones to put in every purse, in the car, in the kitchen, in your gym bag, anywhere you might find yourself squinting. TJ Maxx is a great place to get cheap sunglasses AND cheaper good sunglasses. Department store outlets are also great places to get cheaper good sunglasses. I tend to want to pay less as mine always seem to meet an untimely end. My favorite pair of purple Missoni sunglasses? My boss from hell THREW THEM AWAY. And then she lied about it. Pretended she knew nothing. It was the moment she told me “You know what? I want to buy you a new pair of sunglasses. I just feel so bad that your sunglasses went missing,” that gave her away. That was before she knew they were Missoni. I never told her I got them at TJ Maxx. I let her think that I paid hundreds of dollars for them. She was a horrible person.

       

There's always the vintage route.
$18.90 on Etsy.

     Before that, I had the one pair of Armani sunglasses I paid full price for. I had purchased them with my brother, at his encouragement. I loved them to death. They actually had a long life, before I forgot that I had taken them off and put them in my lap while I was driving. I then got out of the car. They fell onto the pavement. AND I STEPPED ON THEM. They were a wrap around style, very delicate, sort of frameless. And then they were a patterned style. Made everything look like spider webs.

            The moral of this story is to deck out your face with fun frames. Don’t spend to much. Buy what you like. If you can take care of it, go ahead and invest! If not, keep it cheap and don’t get too attached. Check out this lady!

Practice Safe Sitting

         

           If you’re a regular to my blog posts, you might know that I get some pretty great inspiration while sitting in the Barnes & Noble café, partaking of their free air conditioning on days like today, a sunny, hazy, 88-degree Sunday. I am currently witnessing a youthful, somewhere between fifteen and twenty five year old girl (it’s so hard to tell these days with the way young girls whore themselves up), in a hot pink sundress, which might – when she’s standing – fall to the tips of the fingers with arms extended at sides. MIGHT. Truthfully though, there’s no way for me to tell because her dress is scrunched up SO much that her bare ass cheeks are making contact with the green vinyl seat. She’s not sitting on the edge of the chair.  She’s probably halfway onto the chair. If she were wearing a boy-short style underwear, it would all be on the chair. She’s not though, because I can see the whole line where the flesh and the green seat meet. It’s almost like color blocking. Pink, nude, forest green. Not a bad combination really.

           Except, EW! I don’t know if she used a toilet protector the last time she sat on a public toilet! What if she did a crappy job wiping her ass the last time she took a dump? (Sorry to be so crude, but these are serious concerns of mine if I am going to follow her visit to that chair!) WHAT IF the last time she showered that behind was LAST WEEK? It’s not like she wears a visible log showing the dates of her last cleanings like we see when we walk in and out of airport bathrooms. MAYBE she has herpes or HPV. Both are pretty nasty, common, aggressively contagious viruses that are spread with just contact. I’m sure it’s unlikely to pick them up from a vinyl seat cover, but possible! Anything is possible. And with the quantity of non-full-coverage-undergarment wearing, bum hanging-out-of-the-short jiggling, pull-the-skirts-up-and-spread-their-diseases-thoughtlessly young ladies wandering around these days, I fear we are on the verge of ass-pox-polyps (it might be a new disease; it might just be a really bad reach at a pun).

            You and I, however, WE can help to prevent this disturbing end by practicing safe sitting. Obviously, none of us want to share the seat surfaces with these dirty, tasteless tramps. (When I use the term tramps, I don’t just mean ladies. I definitely saw a man in tight pink hot shorts and a tutu strutting his stuff for all of Chelsea a few weeks ago when I visited my friend Miran in NYC). Yet, we should not have to do something so uncomfortable as sitting on a plastic bag. I recommend that we all start carrying around something akin to a cotton placemat. A foldable seat cover that we can put in the wash – with something as close to a caustic chemical as possible. It would serve to protect us from their germs, and it would also be reusable and easy to transport.

something like this.. maybe in a disposable tyvek
like material.

            I also recommend that transit associations create some sort of Seat Police Commission. They could have a team of people who monitor the subways and buses for people who seem to think it’s okay to share their ass germs with the world. Anyone found in violation could be handed a set of disposable XXL size grannie drawers to pull over their inadequately covering bottom ensemble for the remainder of their ride. And when I say grannie drawers, I don't mean largely sized, I mean BADLY SHAPED - those ones you see and wonder how they could possibly work because they're a normal width, but they look like they'd cover an entire torso. This could also be employed in restaurants and other public places like libraries. It would serve as prevention as well. Humiliation combined with superficiality is a powerful tool.

            We also need to join together and commit to audibly humiliating these people until they get that it’s just not appropriate to put their bum out there for everyone to be forced to touch second hand. Not by whistling, not by saying anything that could be misconstrued as a compliment. It needs to be an obvious jab. I recommend the following phrases to be shouted as loudly as possible: “Your ass is hanging out!” “Gross, get your butt germs off of my chair!” “You had better have a diaper on under that dress because I just ran out of wet wipes.” We can do it. Let’s put an end to gratuitous butts.