I’m no great friend to breakable things. Your breakable things are perfectly safe
with me. My own breakable things –
untimely death and torture is their certain fate. Perhaps you’ve known me long
enough to witness me kicking desktop computers. To clarify, kicking a PC can be
a great quick fix. Quite often, the boards inside the damned things will work
their way loose, wreaking unexplainable havoc on your system. And if you don’t
have time to take your computer apart and go searching for the problem, a swift
kick might give you a few added hours to days of function. (BUY A MAC!) Or
maybe you once saw me repeatedly smack a dying cell phone against a concrete
wall after a frustrating conversation with cutting out conversation. (That
doesn’t have a valuable purpose and will most likely cause further damage to
the phone, but it IS extremely satisfying).
With a 15" Bag, you can fit a 13" laptop IN A SLEEVE, for additional padding (remember - ARMOR). |
More often
than not, my belongings suffer accidental damage. My most recent phone shot
like a cannon out of my hand onto a concrete sidewalk and shattered in such a
way that I had to hold it together with packing tape. Over the summer, I
attempted to do some pushups at the gym with my foot propped firmly on the lens
of my Ray Bans (please note, lens not built to withstand weight of right side
of adult body). The point of this monologue is to imbue your mind with the idea
that my electronics need ARMOR.
Oh HELL no. This puts the OWWWWW in dowdy. (And, it's $266) |
I have an
IPhone now, thanks to a dear friend who got a fancier IPhone for a Christmas
present. It has a nice orange plastic case on the back, but I was thinking that
perhaps I should get it some additional padding. I remembered that the
brilliant guys who made my laptop bag also make phone sleeves. And, as much as
I want to be the coolest kid on the block sporting my Feuerwear gear from
Deutschland, I thought I should do the supportive thing and tell you about this
company, since I love my “Scott” Messenger bag almost as much as my MacBook.
If you’ve
ever shopped for a laptop bag, you know that the pickings are slim. Your
choices are overpriced bags with fashion label designer names on them that
won’t protect your computer, bags that might protect your computer that are
dreadfully dowdy (you know – those fake
alligator textured, jewel toned, shiny hardware adorned, middle aged tax
attorney chic bags), or very business geek backpacks or computer briefcase type
deals. I didn’t want any of those things. What I really wanted was something
that would match my new light blue and pink floral raincoat. YES that was the
MOST important quality I was seeking in a laptop bag.
This $118 Marc Jacobs "Pretty Nylon - Computer Commuter" Bag will protect your computer from what exactly? My Little Pony?! |
I jest. At
the time, I needed the transportation armor for my laptop I was doing contract
research and was walking a mile and back to a coffee shop to do my work,
sometimes in the rain. I wanted something that would not screw up my back – so
backpack or crossbody. The bag had to be sturdy, not soft, plenty of structure
to protect my new friend Wolfie (my computers/Ipods are named for really great
horn players: Wolfgang, Roland, and Mason – yes WOW that’s so dorky). Ideally,
the bag would also have space for other things in it. I don’t want to haul
around six bags full of crap. I’d like to carry my computer along with a
notebook or two, keys, wallet, umbrella, and some trash. Bags have to have some
extra space for the usual garbage that bags accumulate. FINALLY, I wanted
something water resistant. That last one, that was killer. It sort of
eliminated everything out there….. except….
What’s more
waterproof than a firehose? Not much.
Enter: Feuerwear. These brilliant Germans are constructing bags out of
recycled German firehoses. Not only did your bag once help save a
life/building, it’s incredibly utilitarian, and it looks really cool. I have a
red one. I’ve travelled with it as a carry on, stuffing it with my laptop and a
BUNCH of other crap. I have walked miles with it. I have taken it out in the
rain. It is REALLY waterproof. And it even has a strap that I could secure it
to my body, were I to try and ride a bicycle while wearing it. It has a hook
inside to attach my keys to so they don’t get lost! So, they’re a little
pricey, but well worth it in my opinion. And for you plebes out there who only
speak one language, do not fear – they have a website in English.
I think of
Feuer and it brings to mind a GREAT movie too. Was tun, wenn’s brennt? Aka What
To Do In Case of Fire. It’s about anarchist squatters who lived in Berlin in
the 80’s. In conclusion, Feuerwear makes
many great things out of firehoses and I think I may have to get myself a
cellphone sleeve. I’ve seen how well my laptop has been protected. I’ve had it
almost a year and it’s still in one piece (I should go knock on a forest, with
my luck). I may have to wait in hope of scooping up one of the neon yellow ones
though.
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