We can all agree that lying is usually bad, right? And the
Oxford Dictionary online defines “lying” as “present a false impression; be
deceptive.” WELL, I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH SOME PEOPLE IN TOWN. I live in a
small town… small-ish…it used to be small. It’s full of residential areas and
different shapes of houses. Mudrooms and enclosed porches are fairly common.
Storm doors are as common as dirt on the ground. If you don’t know what a storm
door is, it’s a second door that goes outside your door-door, usually on a
spring hinge (to maximize injury in all poor weather situations), and either
with a screen in it if it’s summer time, or hefty glass if it’s winter.
Most people
will close both doors in the winter for added insulation. If you have a mudroom,
your house might be insulated apart from the mudroom so you could just have the
storm door. A generous pet owner might leave the door-door ajar so that a cat
or dog could look out the storm door. Our cat sits in front of the screen door
from April through October. There is a house not far from mine, with a storm
door and a mudroom, where a beautiful yellow lab puppy sits and watches the
traffic until his owners come home from work. Or so I thought.
“How sweet!” I thought the first time I saw
those yearning eyes waiting for their child playmate or food-yielding grownup
to return and keep him company. “Aw, that puppy really likes to watch the cars
go by,” I commented to myself the next time I saw him in the window. “Have you
seen that cute puppy?” I’d ask friends, “He’s always looking out the window.”
“Are you sure
that’s a real dog?” my Mother queried. I thought she was nuts. Why would you
have a fake dog? That’s weird. “Oh, he is cute though, you’re right.” Of
course, I’m right. It’s a cute puppy. A sweet little lab with a bandana tied
around his neck.
“Sarah, I don’t
think that dog’s real. He’s always sitting in the same place, every day, at
every time of day,” my Mother tried
to crush my dreams again. She can’t just let me be happy. You know? I think
that’s a parent child relationship thing. I kept looking at that dog. And I
kept looking. And he was there for me always. Always. Always looking in
the same direction. Always with the
same bandana. Always pulling my heartstrings
as he showed no signs of life while sitting in front of that door for months….
What kind of
SICK BASTARD puts a FAKE DOG in the window?! These abhorrent people have shattered my visions of a puppy playing with
a child. They have ruined my adoration for a dog constantly wishing for his
owners to come home. They have crushed
the very soul that brings me breath each day. THEY LIED. And they CONTINUE
to lie. That dog – that fake, plastic, fiberglass, WHATEVER, imitation puppy,
sits in that damned storm door pretending to look at traffic every freakin’
day. TAUNTING me. Making me JUDGE myself for being so gullible, so full of
wonder and childlike emotion.
Screw you
people and your stupid fake dog. I hope one day an elderly person drives into
your mudroom with their car and ends that thing’s fake life so I can continue
with mine. I will go on and pretend that this horrible LIE never occurred. I
will sleep better at night knowing you aren’t shattering other people’s dreams
the way you bulldozed mine. <Insert childish sticking out of tongue
here>.
Papa Smurf!
Jake Gyllenhaal – on which one of Taylor Swift’s boyfriends I would be. I guess
“the guy that would never date that vapid hoe” wasn’t an option. I am not an
asshole at all on the “How much of an asshole are you?” quiz. According to a
video of animated cocktails, my favorite cocktail says that, “If I have to
stand in line to get in some place, I won’t go.” He also said I only own one
pair of nice shoes. Something went wrong there…
